It’s Not a License to be Stupid
On a recent drive to and from Pittsburgh, I’ve come to realize that residents of certain states have a typical driving style.
Illinois: Hell-bent on getting there as fast as possible. Adept at maneuvering in and out of lanes with scant clearance between cars. Able to dodge lane-changing trucks without incident and arrive at the nearest Starbucks ten minutes before time. [This form I am intimately familiar with, considering I grew up driving in Illinois….]
Florida: No concept of “fast lane.” Just as competent at going 40 mph in the left lanes as they are in the right, all while driving with one turn signal fused in the “on” position. Slow to change lanes and utterly scared of more than two semi-trucks in line-of-sight, prompting immediate pressing on the brakes and slowing down another 10 mph. Deathly afraid of hills and tunnels, often slowing down before entering and exiting. The mere hint of water on the roadway prompts nightmares of immediate skids ending in flaming wreckage.
Maryland: No regard for “safe car length distance”. Tailgating is a state sport, with the closer one gets, the more points they win on their license. (What exactly they win, I’ve no freaking clue.) “Speed limit” is a euphemism for “minimal safe speed.”
Virginia: Safe drivers, except when a Maryland plate is spotted. When an “enemy” plate is discovered, every attempt is made to block said car and make said driver’s life miserable. Has acute radar-detector envy, usually seen when drafting an out-of-state car going 20 mph above the speed limit, only to back off suddenly when state-implanted chip warns of VAHP vehicle / helicopter nearby. This move, incidentally, is called “sacrificing the out-of-state loser.”
Pennsylvania: See Florida, only younger. Because when they retire, they go to Florida. And then move back to PA when the heat and mosquitoes aggravate them.
So, I’m sure you all have some stereotype state drivers. Please, share. That way, I know what to expect when I see their plates on the road…