It’s Not a License to be Stupid

On a recent drive to and from Pittsburgh, I’ve come to realize that residents of certain states have a typical driving style.

Illinois:  Hell-bent on getting there as fast as possible.  Adept at maneuvering in and out of lanes with scant clearance between cars.  Able to dodge lane-changing trucks without incident and arrive at the nearest Starbucks ten minutes before time.  [This form I am intimately familiar with, considering I grew up driving in Illinois….]

Florida: No concept of “fast lane.”  Just as competent at going 40 mph in the left lanes as they are in the right, all while driving with one turn signal fused in the “on” position.  Slow to change lanes and utterly scared of more than two semi-trucks in line-of-sight, prompting immediate pressing on the brakes and slowing down another 10 mph.  Deathly afraid of hills and tunnels, often slowing down before entering and exiting.  The mere hint of water on the roadway prompts nightmares of immediate skids ending in flaming wreckage.

Maryland: No regard for “safe car length distance”.  Tailgating is a state sport, with the closer one gets, the more points they win on their license.  (What exactly they win, I’ve no freaking clue.)  “Speed limit” is a euphemism for “minimal safe speed.”

Virginia: Safe drivers, except when a Maryland plate is spotted.  When an “enemy” plate is discovered, every attempt is made to block said car and make said driver’s life miserable.  Has acute radar-detector envy, usually seen when drafting an out-of-state car going 20 mph above the speed limit, only to back off suddenly when state-implanted chip warns of VAHP vehicle / helicopter nearby.  This move, incidentally, is called “sacrificing the out-of-state loser.”

Pennsylvania: See Florida, only younger.  Because when they retire, they go to Florida.  And then move back to PA when the heat and mosquitoes aggravate them.

So, I’m sure you all have some stereotype state drivers.  Please, share.  That way, I know what to expect when I see their plates on the road…

8 thoughts on “It’s Not a License to be Stupid

  1. Traffic signals- Colorado style

    Green: Go.

    Yellow: Speed up and get through the light as quickly as possible.

    Red: Close eyes, hold down gas pedal, pray to God, and zip through- with no regard for the police, since the next five cars after you did the same thing.

  2. Wyoming: Speed limit? Always 3mph over posted as the cops will never stop you for that error. As there aren’t many on our roads, If you want to drive fast in the snow, feel free, we don’t care. Same goes for driving 40mph in the 75mph, just let us pass.
    In contrast, Colorado, where the unofficial limit is 90mph even though it is posted at 55mph. And if you do 65mph and slow down traffic expect to be honked at/ flipped off/ shot at for “barely” breaking the rules.

  3. Washington: Nobody here can work a four-way stop to save their lives. Often, they just sit there for minutes, totally baffled. Also, for some bizarre reason, a small percentage of drivers (but enough to be noticeable) treat green lights as stop signs. They drive up to them, stop, and then go. This is usually the point where I retrieve the gun from my glove compartment and open fire.

  4. hey! like your new blog!

    I am convinced that Florida is really just an extension of Michigan, Ohio, and Pennsylvania.

  5. Georgia – Is that a pick up truck with no license plate and a sign in the window that says “Tags applied for”?

  6. Oklahoma – similar to Florida but with with an even more intense urge to tailgate, not unlike yr Maryland types.

    Arizona – not too bad until the snowbirds hit the state in the fall. Then it’s a Mad Max style free for all. Also, everybody loses their minds when it rains, it’s a completely foreign driving environment to most natives

  7. I don’t usually tailgate, I reserve that privilege for the folks who decide to 1) drive 5mph or more below the speed limit one a one-lane road or 2) drive in a way to not allow faster people to pass on a multi-lane road.

    Although I will freely admit that the “speed limit” is usually the starting speed for most roads, but in my frequent trips over the Potomac, I find that Virginia drivers in the DC area tend to use that same rule. 🙂

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